


Blood Stains the Carpet, Take it Outside!

by Spaghettiforpapy



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Adoption, Adult Dipper Pines, Adult Mabel Pines, Animal Abuse, Animal Death, Antichrist, Blood Drinking, Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Crack, Dark Crack, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Multi, Parent dipper pines, Swearing, Violence, dipper pines basically adopts the antichrist, he's trying his best but his daughter is literally a demon child, she just waltzes into his life but oh well, sort of dark dipper pines because hes super chill with the shit she pulls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-23 05:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20237584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spaghettiforpapy/pseuds/Spaghettiforpapy
Summary: Dipper didn't expect the weirdness of Gravity Falls to leave him completely once he vacated the town, but he also didn't expect to be handed a bundle in the middle of the night whilst hitchhiking home by a pair of extremely large, clawed hands and told to take good care of the Mistress.Looking down at the child's flashing, red eyes, seeing a malevolent grin spread across her chubby, blood stained face, and almost, should he squint his eyes, glimpsing horn nubs adorning the crown of her face, he fell in love instantly. Maybe it's the allure of the Devil's daughter, maybe it was because he was gently "encouraged" to take care of her.He didn't care, because Absinthe was Dipper's daughter now, horns and all.





	Blood Stains the Carpet, Take it Outside!

**Author's Note:**

> Hee hee I have a dozen other fanfiction that I need to update and a dozen more in my drafts but oh well :)
> 
> Super short, but I wanted the first chapter to be an introduction so that I could focus on the other ones without a time limit stressin me out

The moon was red tonight. Blood red. Like- super super fuckin red. You know the red food coloring you find deep in the back of a kitchen drawer because your sister is forcing you to bake with her and she insists that you find something "cOlOrFuL" to add to the cupcakes to spice them up, but the coloring is super old and the cap is pretty stuck on tight, so you try to twist it off while squeezing the bottle at the same time, desperately trying not to think about how _old _this thing is and if food coloring could even get expired, and, in a blink of an eye, the cap pops off and red food coloring is squirted everywhere, making it seem like the remains of a cheesy murder scene from a horror movie from the 70s or 80s or sometime way back then.

It was that kind of red. 

BUT DIPPER DID _NOT _LET THAT DETER HIM FROM HIS SACRILAGE! HIS CRUSADE, FROM HIS BROKEN DOWN BMW TO WHATEVER NEARBY GAS STATION HIS GPS IS LEADING TO WHILE AVOIDING GETTING AXE MURDERED, TO ALSO AVOID GETTING MURDERED BY ANY CRAZY KIDNAPPERS TRYING TO PICK UP LONESOME HITCHIKERS ON THEIR MERRY WAY! HIS BRAVE QUEST, HIS COURAGOUS HEART, THEY ALL-

"Mason Pines."

Dipper stopped internally monolouging, looking up from the flickering light that came from his cracked phone and making... eye contact with the shadowy figure in front of him. That sounds cliche, I know, but it really _was _a shadowy figure. Trust me. I have a PhD in shadowy figures, eldritch creatures, and demonic abominations. I'm an expert.

Mister Creepy McShadowPants was like pure night. Vantablack in a humanish shape, only he- it, she, they- towered over Dipper by at least, like, one, two, five feet. This thing was over ten feet tall, the tip of its almost jarringly solid head, clear for any human to see, racing the flickering, faulty light poles along the almost-highway- could it be called a highway if it was some unknown, narrow path in the middle of the woods?- to see who wins the "ridiculously tall and foreboding" race. 

Its open sockets, pure white among nondistuinguishableableishableuingishable features like two drops of whiteout placed on either side of a smooth silhouette's head, were trained on Dipper. At least, that's what Dipper thinks it was looking at. He couldn't be really sure, to be honest, with the thing having no pupils and all. 

His reply was automatic. "If you're going to try to kill me, at least call me Dipper instead. It's my stage name, free to use by any extradimensional being of horror that wants to flay me alive this time around. Call me whatever you want, actually- just not Mason. Never Mason. Also not Pinetree, either- I already got over that song and dance ago with _another _world-bending demon a whole back, you see, and it's sort of reserved for him only in this rivalry between us- he calls me Pinetree, I call him a terrible creature that is trying to destroy us all, he tells me he's actually trying to take over and refuse the world to madness and that it's different from destruction, and I tell him to fuck off-"

"Silence," the Mister Creepy McShadowPants said- and, ooh, wasn't that unoriginal?- leaning down to face Dipper head on. "I care not for your past battles, nor for tales of your exploits against the World-Corrupter. You are honored to be chosen as a candidate we even considered before today. Feel honored. Be honored."

Dipper blinked, reaching a hand up to rub at the dark, saggy bags under his eyes. He didn't seem perturbed, too tired and too used to this whole shtick to really care anymore. "Yeah. Yeah fine. I might be honored if you tell me what I'm a candidate for- and no death games, please. I've already went through like six of them before. Or four. That's three too many, anyways."

"Be quiet. Your senseless talking is pointless. Annoying," Mister Creepy McShadowPants said, ominously, before holding up a basket and slowly pressing it into Dipper's chest. "Take care of her. She will be your future OverLord, so treat her as the Princess of Darkness deserves to be treated- else our King Below, Lucifer, will be having your head."

"I'm sorry, _what the fuck-_" Mister Creepy McShadowPants disappeared before Dipper could make any objections, the entire exchange going as fast as any story that relied on getting the event documented and over with needed it to go. 

Dipper stared down at the basket, the handle innocently being gripped by his left hand, his right still holding onto his old phone. He slowly blinked once more, looking up at the red, bloody moon again as if to ask it what to do. 

"Please," he said, quietly. Praying. "Please don't let this be a human head."

Protected by conviencency and plot armor, Dipper shoved his phone away and lifted up the lid of the basket that might as well contain a number of terrifying horrors in it, to only discover a beautiful baby girl with a card that said "My name is Absinthe Anichrite, please treat me well!" laying on its stomach.

**Author's Note:**

> Haha I'm in danger


End file.
